With a Heavy Heart.

Disclaimer: I tend to keep religion out of the blog, but this instance is different. You will see why. I apologize for the wordiness.
Last week I had many posts ready to go up (April goals, workouts, etc.) but then on the 4th, I got hit with some bigger news.
I recently opened up about some issues with my depression and how I have had a hard time finding the ‘good stuff’ in life lately. The past few days I have been feeling incredibly grateful, fortunate and being happy even in less than stellar situations.

Unfortunately all this eye-opening came at a larger cost. On April 4th, I went about my normal morning: workout, wished my mom a happy birthday, ate breakfast & checked facebook. That’s when things really changed for me. I found out that an old family friend of mine died unexpectedly. While I haven’t seen him in 10 years, we grew up together. Playing in their garage, swimming when his road flooded, and lots of family time spent together. And just like that, he had to leave this life and went to live the next Eternal life.

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I’ll never forget Drew Swan. One week short of his 25th birthday, this wonderful guy suffered a heart attack. While I didn’t keep in touch after middle school I remember the Drew I knew. He was so passionate for life, caring, faithful, driven, and a true inspiration to everyone who knew him. He praised his younger brother, Jack (who I keep in touch with) for getting into medical school. Drew always said he couldn’t wait to experience the journey Jack was on to become a doctor. And just like that… he is gone.

Jack seems to be handling it well but I cannot imagine the pain his family is going through. Jack and Drew were the best friends and brothers you could imagine. They had that amazing brother relationship that many people wish they had. I pray so much for Jack and his family in this troubled time.

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I haven’t been questioning my faith these past few days but I have been having a lot of conversations and prayers wondering WHY… why must God take the young and GOOD people? It’s not to say that I wish death upon anyone, but there are BAD people in this world. Why do the bad and ill-hearted individuals get to continue on with their lives yet amazing young men like Drew are taken too soon?
Everyone says that ‘it happens for a reason’ but I have a hard time finding a reason behind taking Drew from this world. He had so much life left to live, so much good left to do. I realized that in all the funerals I’ve gone to, only ONE was for someone dying from old age. Otherwise it has been suicide, car accidents, cancer, and now a heart attack. Drew was TWENTY-FIVE years young. There is nothing fair about it. God now has a new angel who is singing to all the angels and watching over all of us left here.
This weekend I cherished every second I got to spend with Tyler and my friends. I made sure to not ‘sweat the small stuff’ and didn’t get angry over petty issues. This life is a gift granted to all of us, but it is a gift that we do not control the expiration date of. In Drew’s memory I am making it a point to really be optimistic and not dwell on the negative. Because Lord only knows when my time is.

I will not dread going to work every day.

I will not get into petty arguments with Tyler over trivial issues.

I will wake up each morning and thank God that I have the privilege of being alive for another day.

Life is short, but sweet for certain.


In loving memory of Drew Swan.


3 thoughts on “With a Heavy Heart.

  1. I am so sorry for this loss, I know it takes a lot to write it out and process it. My faith is something I keep pretty private as well but it is times like this where I realize how much I lean on it, how much I want and search for answers. My prayers are with you!

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