Change is In the Air (part 1)

I’ve been MIA lately due to horrrible allergies.. I don’t know about ya’ll but mine are so bad this year. Which is weird cause I’ve never really had allergies before but they hit me full force this year. I’m currently on 3 medications and waiting for the doctor to call me back as I type. What’s even worse is that it has prevented me from working out.. I have a half marathon on October 29th and haven’t ran more than 4 miles since May… uh-oh.

Onto the meat & taters of this post. I usually keep it pretty light here on my blog but I’ve been going through a lot of change lately. It is all change for the better but I am having some difficulty adjusting to a newer lifestyle. This post will not have pictures but instead is a story about my journey through change. It is scary to me, and may be to you too. Lessons have to always be learned..unfortunately for me it was the hard way…so here goes.

I was not always a healthy eater, nor someone who lived out healthy lifestyles. Once I quit swimming and came to college I began drinking alcohol. I know what you’re all thinking… almost everybody drinks in college. While that is true [especially at UW-Madison] I did not just drink socially–when I drank, I drank. I knew that it wasn’t healthy when I would be puking until 4 or 5 pm and my mom would have to drive up to take care of me because I had alcohol poisoning… but I had a problem saying no. It’s such a simple word, yet until recently I had the hardest time spitting it out. Was it that my friends would not want to hang out anymore? Was it me trying to get attention when I wasn’t getting it elsewhere? Being young and making poor decisions? I still don’t know why I couldn’t say no to that next drink…or another night out at a party.

I thought after a few HORRIBLE experiences, nights that I blacked out and couldn’t remember what had happened at all, and wasting countless days with horrid hangovers that I would have learned my lesson… I was wrong. It was always another drink at another party with hundreds of people I didn’t know. On July 1, 2009 it took a turn for the worse. I went to Summerfest [a HUGE music festival in Milwaukee] with my co-workers from my beach that summer. I had just finished up my freshman year of college and I thought I was invincible… man was I wrong. That night was the worst night of my entire life. At 7pm we started drinking… by 8:15pm I was on the ambulance to the hospital. I had consumed 40 oz. of hard liquor in under an hour. I didn’t even make it to the concerts, instead I fell off the bus and the cops took me until the ambulance came. I was alone, nearly unconscious, puking in public, with nobody I knew because all my co-workers [who I THOUGHT were friends…] went into the festival anyways. And I didn’t even know all this had happened. My mom trekked into Milwaukee to the hospital where they kept me until about 12:30 and when we got back home she asked me if I had any idea what happened. In the hospital they tried taking my sweatshirt off cause I had gotten sick on it… I yelled at my mom saying “don’t rape me!”…my poor mother had to witness her 19 year old daughter in this state. No one should ever have to do that… or be like I was. The scary part is I had zero recollection… she told me I was in the hospital, I didn’t believe it but then I saw the hospital band on my wrist (the $1200 bill came later in the mail…)!

After beating myself up about it for weeks on end, I finally said I am done drinking. And that did last a while. Sure I went out my sophomore year with my friends but nothing like I had used to. I’d love to end this story saying it never happened again… but that would be lying.

Football is a huge deal here at UW-Madison and there was a night game against Ohio State, our biggest rivalry last year (my junior year). The most anticipated game of the year–it was going to be a close game. I’m sure you all have heard of the now-banned caffeinated alcoholic beverage Four Loko. It has landed kids across the country in hospitals for heart problems and injuries that resulted from being under the influence of Four Loko. I decided to drink one that night.. however, I had no idea what this drink was about. I had heard that it tastes good and gives you a good buzz, so I figured I’d be fine! WRONG.

We pre-gamed a little bit.. I had about 4 jello shots then I cracked one of those Four Loko open. I wish I could tell you how epic the game was and that it was everything we anticipated. But all I can tell you is I blacked out, ran around the streets of Madison at night by myself, and woke up at a bar alone with 2 minutes left of the biggest game of my college career. I was not 21 and had no ID on me. NO idea how I got into the bar. Lost my camera, didn’t make it into the football game (which I could’ve sold my ticket for at LEAST $150), and lost $20. I missed the game… our team won the game and the entire stadium rushed the field… and I missed it because I was MIA in a drunken stupor. But above all… I lost respect for myself that night. I knew something had to change. I was in a downward spiral to trouble and a life of alcoholism. I was disappointing myself, my family, and I was losing close friends because they were worried sick about me. Until the night of this football game I saw no problem with my lifestyles. I was living like all the college kids… drink, drink, drink. That’s what so many college kids do, so why couldn’t I?

Now that I’ve finally turned 21… I don’t even want to go out like that anymore. I am bringing a lot of change into my life. And it is so liberating. You’ll have to find out what kind of change that is… in the next post 🙂

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5 thoughts on “Change is In the Air (part 1)

  1. Girl good for you for being honest and brave enough to realize all of this and share it! I have seen so many people’s lives ruined by alcohol (in and out of my own family) and it’s so heartbreaking. Congratulations on this exciting and liberating new change 🙂 can’t wait to hear about all of the success that will follow you because of it!

  2. Fourlokos are the DEVIL! I have had one too many terrible experiences with those. We all have skeletons in our closet and for you to open up about them on the blog is a feat in itself. You can only move forward from here and I am excited FOR you now!!

  3. I totally understand! The same thing happened to me in college (more than once)…but the good news is that you are starting to grow up! And learn that binge drinking might not be healthy….no matter how many people do it in college.

    Feel better soon! Can’t wait to read more updates!

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